Couldn’t sleep the other night. Felt a myriad of emotions, the kind that words spoil. I missed my friends and family. I am 40 years old and usually am very self sufficient. I do not lack things to keep me occupied, I love people yet I also revel in being alone.
I love sports, I love to read, but what I felt was a deprivation…My husband and I have moved for the third time to a new place, to start over again. It is a good move for our kids, a lot of opportunities, but I miss my comfort zone.
Growing up ion Sharjah I had the best friends, still on my FB profile and I talk with them occasionally. That was a time like no other ever since. These friends know what I want to say before I say it, they can read between my sentences. These friends know my fears and trials, they have been through them with me.
Then I moved to Detroit and then Chicago for college and my first job. Here I made friends that were in another phase in my life, and we together tackled the difficult teenage and twenties. They also are part of my life still. I depend on them to keep me grounded.
A few years into marriage we moved to Karachi, this was a move that I was not thrilled about, but I realize now that it has groomed me into the person I am today. This city helped me grow up and define my thoughts, beliefs and dreams. The friends here helped me through tough times, situations I couldn’t share with family and I love them for it.
Now in Winnipeg, I have to decide what I need to do. Do I look for the high school kind of friend, the college or first job one or a mature friend? What do I do? I am busy with the kids’ schedules, so can I devote as much time to fostering friendships? How does this new phase work? Am going to Starbucks maybe we will meet there friend…
My story is not unusual. “In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook. But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.
As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.
No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.
But often, people realize how much they have neglected to restock their pool of friends only when they encounter a big life event, like a move, say, or a divorce.” http://www.nytimes.com/
So now do I look for BFF’s or KOF’s? Oh to be or not to be…